Hey Empaths 3 Reasons Why I want you to be The Bad Guy today

Empaths have a really hard time saying no. Empaths put ourselves in other people's positions and give too much of our time to others, sometimes to the wrong people.

My challenge to you for this week is I really want you to work on being the bad guy. I want you to work on feeling uncomfortable. I know that might seem counterintuitive, but the reason I want you to work on feeling uncomfortable is because often we can't say no to boundaries. Boundaries are hard for us. If we're empaths, we have a really hard time when we say no, because we can feel the other person's disappointment. Those emotions can be confusing to us. They can make it difficult, because on one hand we want to be able to say no, but on the other hand, we feel the other person's disappointment and pain. So a lot of times we'll say yes, even when it's not in our best interest. 

Allow it to be okay for you to not feel like you are the hero or the savior or the person that somebody can rely on. It's hard for us to disappoint others. When you're able to say no to people, then you are able to really begin to discern what you want to say yes to and what you don't want to say yes to. Nobody likes being told no. So when you are the bad guy to tell somebody, no, it often upsets them. Don't worry about it. They will get over it. They may not like it, but they will. So give yourself permission. 

Often when we're an empathic person that people come to when they really want help or need help, sometimes these may be people that we don't even know. We can be standing in the middle of Target and someone will just come up and start talking to us. So being able to say no and be the bad guy is a part of good self care.

We are capable of jumping in and fixing things. The problem with that is that we are circumventing the person from having their own healthy learning experiences. I often use the example that if we try to prevent our babies from ever falling or bumping their head or skimming their knee, we are actually preventing them from learning. When they fall and bump their head, they experience pain. It allows them to get back up and figure out how to adjust to avoid the pain. Well, emotions can sometimes be like that too. As empaths, we often want to save people from those emotions because we feel pain so deeply. But when we help them avoid their pain, we're actually disabling them from not being able to have their own experiences. I want you to think about that when you're attempting to save other people from their pain. You're actually disabling them, you're not doing them a service.

By taking care of ourselves, we're ultimately able to pick and choose who we want to give our time and energy to. If we're giving it to everybody, we don't have enough time, energy, and emotional resources to give to the people that we really want to focus our energy on. Sometimes that becomes those closest to us. Sometimes that becomes ourselves and things that we need to do for ourselves are all in self care.

Now for me, sometimes I tend to be an emotional reactor. I will often say yes without thinking about it. My first tip is give yourself a minute to think about it. If a minute, isn't long enough, then ask for some time. Sometimes we need time to think about things, we need time to process. The other tip I have for you is to write notes for yourself. Give yourself pointers as to why you're going to say no. You may never need those pointers, but it helps you stay focused when you're talking to the other person. The third tip that I have for you is to trust your gut instinct. You are an empath and you will know if you really take a minute to feel about it. You are going to know whether or not it's the right thing to do and to say. Learning to trust your gut instinct on things is really helpful.

Anyway, those are my tips for this week. I hope to talk to you guys again soon. If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to message me!