Burnout-and choosing less to get more

Burnout: My Journey to Less

Burnout is real, and when you throw motherhood into the mix, it’s a whole new level of chaos. Let me take you on my journey through it. 😅

It all started after grad school, just after I’d bought a house and thought I was doing everything *right.* I went to my doctor, (who was used to seeing me every few weeks because I was constantly sick. I didn’t realize at the time my body was trying to tell me to rest, take it down a notch. I blamed it on a bad immune system and working with kids.) Anyway, there I was, sitting in my doctor’s office, tears streaming down my face. He asked, “What’s wrong?” and all I could say was, “I don’t know! Everything in my life is good—I just graduated, bought a house, life is great.” He looked at me, nodded, and reached for his prescription pad, saying,”You don’t have to feel this way, I can help.” Desperate, I nodded in agreement.

The meds helped… for a while. But deep down, I knew it wasn’t just depression, it wasn’t just anxiety. I didn’t know what it was at the time, I just knew that getting through the day was a task. I worked, and slept. 🙃 I had drained my energy reserves trying to juggle grad school, two jobs, and all the demands life threw at me. My plate was way too full, and I had no idea how to pace myself.

I mean, you’d think being a therapist, I’d understand burnout, right? But nope—I was too busy trying to be Do The Things… and wondering why I kept crashing into walls. It turns out that knowing all the theory doesn’t help when you’re busy ignoring the giant flashing “Warning: You’re Burning Out!” signs in your own life. 🤦‍♀️

Eventually, I did what any overwhelmed human would do—I started taking things off my plate. *Fast.* I learned to set boundaries and redefine self-care. And spoiler alert: self-care is way more than bubble baths and eating healthy. 🛁🌿 I needed real rest—more sleep, time to play, and moments to just *be.* I needed fewer commitments, fewer expectations, and more time outdoors.

Gradually, I got better. And then… I became a mom. 👶 Just like that, the to-do lists multiplied overnight. The self-care strategies that had worked so well before? Out the window. Now, it was crying babies, endless time commitments, and the exhaustion of keeping a tiny humans alive while trying to survive myself. The overwhelm was back, and I had to adjust—again.

So, I shifted gears. Soulful art became finger painting in the bathtub. 🎨 My quiet time morphed from Enya and candles to cuddles and Baby Mozart. 🍼 Priorities changed. The clean house? Less important. Being present? The new goal. I found moments where I could sink my feet into the grass while keeping my toddlers contained. I adjusted, and it worked… for a while.

But as my kids grew, so did the commitments—extracurriculars, school, work deadlines. It was all *too much.* And in the midst of this chaos, I decided to open my own business. This may seem counter-intuitive but I was tired. My thought was if I am dumping all this time into someone else’s vision, why not do it for myself, my way. I needed more control, I needed to do things on my terms. This was a game-changer, giving me a chance to create a schedule that worked for me, to slow down the grind while still supporting my family.

Then, by chance, by happenstance, through synchronicty, I am not sure how I got there honestly, but I came across the term Highly Sensitive by Elaine Aron. Insert deep dive here, and I realized I was highly sensitive. Trying to keep up with “normies” (no offense, normies, I love you) was just not in the cards for me. I couldn't compare my schedule to others. I had to accept that I was wired differently, that my energy had limits, and that burning myself out trying to meet everyone else's expectations was never going to work. I needed to play by my own rules.

But burnout? It’s a sneaky beast. Some mornings, even getting out of bed felt impossible. Staying awake past my kids’ bedtime? Forget about it. I often fell asleep moments after tucking them in, sometimes even in their beds. If I tried pushing past and staying up late, my body reminded me to rest by getting sick and forcing me back to bed.

My self-care was pretty good. Monthly acupuncture, Check. Good sleep, Check. Eating healthy, Check. Leaning into others, still a struggle. Making sure I set boundaries, Check. However, the drowning feeling was still there. I was managing, but not living fully.

Then came COVID. Our lives, like everyone else’s, turned upside down. The kids came home, and I shifted to doing virtual therapy. I closed my physical office—a space I had poured my heart into creating—and with a heavy heart, I re-evaluated *everything.* When the next school year came, I decided to homeschool. It started as a practical decision because of the pandemic, but it turned out to be an unexpected gift. 🌟

Gone were the daily battles over time, the morning rushes, the “GET YOUR SHOES ON NOW!” meltdowns. We traded those for schoolwork done in pajamas, laundry tossed in between clients, and well-rested kids who no longer had to face after-school homework wars.

For my family, the pandemic, despite all its hardships, actually reduced our stress. And as the world started to return to “normal,” I realized I didn't want to go back. I didn't want the chaos, the frantic pace, the burnout.

So, we chose *less*. Not as some radical act of rebellion, but as a conscious choice for calm and sanity. In all that hustle, I hadn't even realized my boys were feeling burned out too. Most of our conflicts came from being bone-tired or being hungry and not being able to get food on the table fast enough. We were done with the fast-paced, on-demand lifestyle. We needed a slower rhythm, more time to recover. ❤️

Now, four years into homeschooling, we sleep more than most families. We have less structure. We have one or two activities, and social events are maybe once a week. Our house? Still not always clean. Often, we're home together but each in our own space, doing our own thing. Our time still includes cuddles on the couch, game nights, and things that are slower paced.

Like all moms, I worry whether I'm doing things right. Will my kids be stereotyped as "awkward homeschoolers"? Am I harming them by not making their childhood more demanding? Honestly, I don't have the answers to those questions yet. What I do know is that I've been able to preserve my sanity. I don't fight with my kids as much, and our time as a family is peaceful. Maybe I can send them into the world without their nervous systems being on fire, without starting adulthood already burned out. If that's the case, I'll take the awkwardness. 🙂

By choosing less, we found more—more time, more peace, more connection. Sometimes, the best decision is the one that lets you just *breathe*.

With love and healing,

Laura 💖

Buy The PreCut Watermelon

Like many tired Moms, I struggle with eating. Well, not really eating, I love eating. I struggle with meal prep, the cleaning…often before and after. The planning. I struggle with the rinse, wash, and repeat meals. I work from home and homeschool two boys, a teen and an almost teen…and well the reality is our refrigerator should have a revolving door on it.  As my kids have gotten older, meal prep has been easier, they can make their own food. However, it takes forever to train little humans, and often, while food has been prepared, the never-ending dishes are spread all over the counter. The sink has piled up, they have not quite learned the art of “clean as you go”.  Meal prep is on ongoing stressor. I know I am not alone; my family is not unique, this is the case for many families. So, what does this have to do with precut watermelon?

Shortly after my second son was born, a family member had a get together at their home. It was a crab feast, which I was extremely excited about. Moving to Florida from the Northeast, getting blue crab from back home was a rare, albeit expensive experience. So, besides being taught that you bring something to contribute when there is a gathering, I wanted to show appreciation for the host. The morning of, with a newborn and 4-year-old in tow, we are excitedly on our way to devour some nostalgia. Although feeling stressed about already running late, I made my husband stop at the store, and get 2 packages of precut watermelon,  a couple bottles of my favorite wine and flowers for the host.

Now, why watermelon? Well, because as any person from the Northeast knows, it is THE FOOD that goes with a crab feast, along with ears of grilled corn and some sliced tomatoes. It just is. I had my husband get precut, because with a 3-month-old that I was still breastfeeding, and a toddler, I knew I was already going to be overwhelmed. MY HANDS were going to be full, feeding the baby, chasing the toddler, doing those things that Mom’s do at gatherings.  On top of that, this was an extended family gathering, and while I love family gatherings, a large one like this, leaves me emotionally and physically drained. Getting the precut watermelon just seemed like one less thing to worry about.

However, little did I know that getting precut watermelon was going to create a conflict. My husband and I brought in the watermelon, wine, and flowers, set them down in the kitchen, and went outside to give the family hugs and hellos.  Despite being late, we were one of the first of the local relatives to arrive. While I was outside taking care of the formalities, the host came in from outside, went into the kitchen and put the flowers in a vase.

Shortly after, I walk back into the house, and sit at the table. The host begins commenting, “OH, someone must be making a lot of money if they can buy precut watermelon.” Amid noticing a smell, and getting up to do a diaper check, I think…nope, not going there. Mind you, this is the same host that has spent a lot of money on having blue crab brought in from another state and the watermelon is sitting next to my favorite wine. So, the host KNOWS who brought the watermelon. No comment was made on the flowers that were now in the vase.

Another family member walks in, loaded with kids stuff, no party contributions, children in tow and attention is drawn to them. Grateful for the disruption, I begin to engage them.

Shortly after, the host begins commenting  again, “ Gosh, somebody makes a lot of money bringing in precut watermelon.”  Another family member arrives very late,  empty handed except for the ton of stuff she needed for her littles, babies in tow, crying…puts stuff down, goes “Oh, thank god, watermelon, grabs a piece for the crying child, hands it to them and then grabs a piece for herself.”  At this point I am thinking, did I miss the memo that we are not supposed to contribute? However,  I am thankful for having a large family to take some of the pressure off, thinking to myself surely this will be the end of it.

With a fresh diaper in place, I  begin to breastfeed my son on the couch. I am looking forward to that one glass of wine, after I feed him, because I know if I time it right, I won’t need to do a pump and dump. Who wants to waste their liquid gold?  This is when the host’s comment comes in for the third time, even louder- “SOMEBODY MUST BE MAKING A LOT OF MONEY IF THEY BOUGHT PRECUT WATERMELON.” A fourth family member walks in, grabs a piece of the watermelon, pops it his mouth and says “Wasn’t me, but it is good.”

It was never about the watermelon.

Frustrated, and realizing that ignoring the comments is futile, I respond… “I bought the precut watermelon, and it’s not about making a lot of money, it was about convenience with a toddler and a newborn and wanting to contribute.”  The host replies “Well, it’s too expensive and you should have bought a whole watermelon.”  I responded. “Okay, I just wanted to contribute, I know the cost of the crab was expensive and it was supposed to be a thank you.”  Things escalated from there, with the host chastising me about how I am always trying to show off that I make more money. Confused, and feeling attacked, I responded “It is watermelon.”  They responded, “Expensive watermelon.” I went on to try and explain, thinking if I explained, it would surely help. “Look, I wanted to contribute, but with the baby, I needed to do something easy and wanted watermelon to go with the crabs. I was not trying to show off.”  My explanation failed to do its job, and instead, things were getting even more heated.

Knowing this was not a rational battle, I knew it was best not to engage. However, I had conflicting emotions: my fiery, redhead, Irish,  Leo side not wanting to back down, and my protective mother side not wanting my babies to see or feel this tension. My protective mothering side won, and my husband and I chose to leave. We didn’t eat the crab, the corn, the tomatoes, or the precut watermelon. I didn’t get my glass of wine with the family. We stopped at a seafood place on the way home, it wasn’t blue crab, it didn’t have childhood nostalgia connected to it, but it didn’t have the bitter taste of resentment either.

Fast forward, two older children, working full time, overwhelmed by the day to day, I am stressed. Meal prep is still hard, food is still hard. Eating out is expensive, and I am trying to find balance. I still buy precut veggies and fruits if I know it is going to be a heavy week. However, my relatives voice kicks in, “THAT IS EXPENSIVE.” The guilt kicks in. My family does okay because we have two working adults and we budget, but we pick and choose where we want to spend money. We are middle class and life is expensive.

At this stage of my life, I am past babies. However, I am still stressed and overwhelmed. Trying to break familial patterns, self-care, build a business, work as a therapist, be a wife, raise kids, keep house and doing my best to eat healthy and feed others…it is all just too much. I began to see a therapist; this wasn’t my first therapy go around, so I jumped right in.  In exploring my relationships and stressors, the watermelon story comes up. My therapist helps me sort out some of the deeper meanings, the hidden messages, the underlying beliefs that came with the precut watermelon. It was never about the watermelon.  

Therapy helps me begin to see the ways buying precut foods was a form of self-care. My therapist tells me a story she read about a woman who would not run the dishwasher when it was half-full because she was taught to run it only when full. She felt guilty when she ran it half full. The problem was, if she waited until it was full, the needed items were in the dishwasher. She could hand wash them, but often didn’t have the energy, and felt like she was wasting water.  Here the therapist said “Run the dishwasher half full.” And the woman understood, it was better to run the dishwasher half full than it is to struggle with lack of energy, guilt and dirty dishes. My therapist’s  lesson sinks in, (pun intended) and I begin to try incorporate releasing guilt of things that I was taught in my family, that may not be serving me now.

Time has gone on; my tween and teen and I are visiting with some friends. My friend is talking about being vegan…and I am curious. I want to try it, but is it difficult? My friend says, “Oh I order these premade box foods, you should try it! Here is my referral code.”  I respond, “Isn’t that expensive?” She replies, “Maybe? I think it is about the same though. With everything being precut and portioned, and easy to make, I save time and I think I save money because I don’t avoid cooking, things don’t go bad in the fridge, and I eat out less because it isn’t hard to make. Actually, I may save money in the long run.  A light bulb went off. IT IS SELF CARE. Rehearing her words…it is cheaper in the long run because I don’t eat out as much and I am more likely to make the food. Eating healthy, while maintaining energy is self-care.

One thing I didn’t understand and wasn’t connecting was that the watermelon was about self-care. Getting it precut was about saving energy and time, especially at a point in my life where that was limited. The person who complained it was expensive, was not good at self-care. They could not understand my need to buy precut watermelon, because they had not grown to the point in their life where their own self-care was a priority. I had unintentionally taken to heart advice and criticism from someone who had not learned to prioritize their own self-care. I was looking for reinforcement from someone who could not understand why I would spend more money on something that seemed frivolous.  My expectations of them were unrealistic. My expectations of myself to get them to understand were unrealistic. One cannot give you something they do not understand and cannot give themselves. My friend who was great at self-care improved my understanding because she had given it to herself. She understood that it was a form of prioritizing her well-being.  

Today, I buy precut veggies. Sometimes they are a little more expensive, and I notice the passing guilt.  I buy the precut fruit, and remind myself, it is okay.  I buy the precut watermelon. It gets eaten. We eat out less. I saved money.   Buy the precut watermelon, I tell myself, it is self-care. Instead of guilt, it is a reminder that selfcare isn’t just the big things like massages, getting your nails done and vacations. Healthy self-care is taking every day micro actions that help save you time and energy.   Occasionally, I will still hear: “It’s expensive” and the voice of self-love whispers “Yeah, and you are worth it.”

#SelfCare #Parenting #HealthyEating #FamilyGatherings #StressManagement #Convenience #TimeSaving #EmotionalWellbeing #HealthyLifestyle #GuiltFree #TherapyInsights #BalancedLife #PrioritizeSelfCare

As Your Therapist, Do I Think of You? Navigating the Peculiar Bonds of Healing

Being a therapist is an intricate journey, where the tapestry of emotions unfolds in ways that often defy explanation and is frequently unnatural in the real world. We dwell with individuals at their most vulnerable, witnessing the ebb and flow of their struggles and triumphs. The stories shared in the therapy room cut deeper than those in conventional relationships, revealing intimate details that seldom see the light of day. We see the real human, ugly, raw, and undescribely beautiful. Yet, within this authenticity, a subtle power differential exists – a nuanced dance between presence and disclosure, all orchestrated to benefit you, my client. 🎭💖

In this peculiar profession, the paradox is palpable. I am here to care deeply about you but must navigate the boundaries carefully, ensuring I don't overstep. The role extends beyond the therapy hour; I root for you, cheer you on, and find myself shedding tears when life throws challenges your way. Despite these emotional investments, it's crucial to remember that, in the end, I am not your friend. The struggle emerges when thoughts of you linger between sessions, prompting an internal debate about sharing a meme or initiating a casual greeting if our paths cross in public. Professional ethics, however, dictate that I cannot. I must always default to your lead, urging me to wait for you to make the first move. 🤔🤝

These relationships formed in the sanctuary of therapy are sometimes exclusive, and shared only by the two individuals involved. As time progresses, clients may naturally drift away, and despite the deep connections forged, we often lose touch. Yet, the paradox persists – the therapeutic relationship is a relationship nonetheless. My clients touch my life as profoundly as I touch theirs, forming an emotional bond that transcends the realm of financial transactions. 💼💓

As the years pass, reflections inevitably emerge about those who have woven through my professional journey, leaving a lasting impact. Did my time with them make a meaningful difference? Did their lives change for the better? Some clients pass through swiftly, their details fading from memory like fragments of a dream, but others, those forever imprinted in my heart, stay with me, becoming an indelible part of my own narrative. 📅📝

Thinking back to my early career as a school guidance counselor, I remember the "kiddos" who, even in adulthood, still hold a significant place in my heart. Today, the news of one of these forever kiddos passing reached me. It's a peculiar experience to witness the child you once knew grow into an adult, and you can't help but hope they are navigating the complexities of adulthood with resilience. The passing of a client prompts a cascade of questions about the impact I've had – did it matter? Did I genuinely help them along their journey? Did they know how deeply they were loved and supported? 🌟❤️

Today, the weight of emotions manifested in freely flowing tears, and a part of my heart broke. Not because my life is destined for a drastic change, but because, as a fellow human, I bid farewell to someone cherished. Someone I loved. A fellow life traveler, I was fortunate enough to guide. When you wonder if your therapist thinks of you between sessions, the resounding answer is yes. We think of you, root for you, and even shed tears long after our official time together ends. As therapists, we navigate the intricacies of our clients' lives, hoping that, in some meaningful way, we contributed to positive change. 🌈💔

🔟 10 Ways Trauma Impacts Has Impacted My Money and Financial Life 💰

I was working with my business coach, who also happens to be a trauma specialist, 🗣️💼 and we were talking about the choice I made to go back on insurance panels. I explained that I thought we were going to have a recession, and I was doing this to help prevent a decrease in income. She noted that a recession has not yet hit and I did this over a year ago, and that this was a trauma response to predict bad things before they happen. She also noted that my trying to put things in place to prevent them from happening…so as not to get hurt, is also a trauma reaction.  Ugh, insert a stab into the heart here. I knew this. I am a trauma specialist. Unfortunately, what keeps us safe as children, like other trauma responses, can hinder us in adulthood. However, I never really stopped to think how my trauma may show up in my finances-despite a lifelong battle of internal fighting to give myself permission to spend money on things that were for me. So, this is my list of how my finances are impacted by my trauma. Hopefully, in naming them, I will begin to let them go, and help you, the reader, in the process. 💭💡

1. Prediction- I try and predict when there will be lulls in money flow-and adjust to prevent them. How this is rooted in my trauma: growing up in a home where the adults were unpredictable, I had to learn how to anticipate and adapt to their needs to survive. 🏠🔄

2. Fear of Lack-I struggle with the beliefs that lack and maybe even create some lack by spending more than I should when I am in flow. This type of all or nothing thinking comes from my trauma-in that when things were good, they were really good. When things were bad, they were really bad. I learned to take advantage of the good times because I learned to believe that the next bad thing was just around the corner. That belief, while I have worked on it in my personal life, and things are stable, has poured over in my financial life. Take advantage of the good., know the next dry spell is coming. Rather than balancing the ebbs and flows by preparing by saving. 💰💔

3. Putting others first, even if it is to my own detriment. When I make a commitment to others, I like to keep my word. However, sometimes, from a financial standpoint, I struggle to make adaptations to long term commitments because I worry that it will hut others financially, and I feel I can take the financial hit better or easier than they could. This stems from feeling like, as the oldest, I needed to protect my siblings from the chaos in our world. I could take the emotional hits because as the oldest, I understood more of what was happening. 👫🤝

4. Limiting spending on myself, willing to spend on others. This comes from being the oldest and being told I need to take care of the little ones first, because they don’t know what is going on. I became a parentified child-and have continued to put myself last because others may need it more. 👨‍👩‍👦‍👦🤷‍♂️

5. Avoidance-wanting to avoid when I feel overwhelmed with money. Frequently, if my account is too low or if I need to make a big purchase-my anxiety kicks in and I want to just avoid the whole thing. I will typically have an internal freak out, then eventually make a decision-after trying to figure out all that could go wrong. Again, troubleshooting before there is an actual problem. 🌪️💼

6. Hyper-independence-Struggling to ask for help. I know there are others out there that are better at this than I am. That being said, I struggle to ask for help. This hyper independence is a trauma response-it was not safe to ask for help, you may be yelled at, criticized or shamed. It was figure it out, you got this. However, finances don’t necessarily work that way. You have to understand and be taught them and figuring it out can be costly. 🚫🆘

7. Anger towards money. I get angry that others seem to have it easier, that were helped along the way. I get angry when I feel like I have worked so hard, and it’s not flowing. The truth is, this is a part of my trauma. I worked so hard for (fill in the blank here, my degree, my home, my job) and it was not celebrated in an about me way. So, when I work hard, and the finances are not where I want them to be, it feels like once again, things are not showing up. 😡💸

8. Inferiority-Seeing myself as inadequate, I worry. Especially, as I raise my fees, that others will not want to pay me. I feel inadequate because I always felt like “not enough” growing up. This formed a core belief- when you expect a child to take on adult responsibilities, they frequently come up short. 🥺📈

9. Value by contribution-Constant battle with workaholism. I must be actively aware of how much I work. My value came from what I could contribute. Working feels like contributing and I feel in control, even if I am not getting paid. 💼🏃‍♂️

10. People pleasing. I struggle with charging more. Why? Because I want to make my clients happy-so I work with them and have actively had to learn how to hold the line on my fee. It can be hard, and if I am in a bad space, I am more likely to give myself away. The feelings of inadequacy come up. My trauma taught me that people pleasing, also known as fawning was a way to get my needs met. In fee setting, people pleasing helps the other person, and may harm my finances, which eventually could make it so I am less able to help. 😊📊

So, after years of working on my trauma reaction. I am beginning to level up. I am working on setting fees that are right for me and for my family. As I do this work, and rest assured it is work, I am so thankful that I have people, like my coach, understand and call me out on it. I will continue to work on healing this area of my trauma, after all, I am worth it. 💪💫

Sailing Smoothly: Carnival Cruise Lines and KultureCity Partner to Create Sensory-Friendly Vacations and 11 Tips for Sailing with Sensory Issues

Recently, I embarked on my second cruise adventure with Carnival Cruise Lines and had a sensory-sensitive revelation that I just had to share. While I'm far from a cruise expert, I felt compelled to commend Carnival Cruise Lines for their remarkable partnership with KultureCity, transforming the cruise experience for travelers like me who have heightened sensory awareness.

My first cruise, a pre-Covid 3-day voyage to Cancun, Mexico, was undeniably enjoyable. It was just my husband and I, and not having to worry about food or kids…as well as meeting some friends, really made the cruise a vacation. However, as someone who tends to get overwhelmed by excessive stimulation, spending three days amidst a bustling cruise ship presented it’s challenges. Navigating through the mid-deck to reach food became a sensory journey of its own: music blaring, casino bells chiming, the scent of smoke wafting through the air, abrupt temperature shifts as I moved from indoor to outdoor areas, and the constant shift in lighting conditions. Not to mention, the sheer number of fellow passengers made it feel overwhelming. To avoid the crowd, I often resorted to traversing the lower decks, even though it meant a longer route. Our cabin, though a welcome retreat, was positioned in a high-traffic hallway, making uninterrupted sleep a rare luxury for this light sleeper.

So, when my husband proposed a second cruise as a special gift for my 50th birthday, my initial reaction was mixed. On one hand, the prospect of not having to worry about cooking and cleanup for a week was enticing. (Have I mentioned how much I hate cooking, well not actually cooking, it’s the clean-up) On the other hand, I wondered if I would once again be engulfed in sensory overload. This time, however, I came prepared. I packed my Loop earplugs (see my unboxing video here) and my trusty essential oils. I also brought a fan to help with temperature control. Excitement and apprehension warred within me as I contemplated five days on the cruise ship, sharing a cabin with our teenagers. Would I endure sensory overwhelm, potentially ruining our vacation?

As a therapist who specializes in working with Highly Sensitive People and neurodivergent individuals, and being a sensitive person myself, I was pleasantly surprised to discover that Carnival Cruise Lines had made significant adjustments to address issues for those of us prone to sensory sensitivities. It was heartening to see that they had implemented measures to accommodate passengers like me.

So, what exactly does being Sensory Certified entail? It means that Carnival now has customer-facing staff trained to understand the unique needs of individuals with various sensory challenges, including Down Syndrome, Autism, ADHD, PTSD, and more. Carnival, in collaboration with KultureCity, introduced VIP Lanyards that staff could use to easily identify passengers who might require additional support. One of the highlights of our cruise was the silent disco night held on the mid-deck, which attracted a substantial crowd. In addition, the nightclubs now featured closed doors to minimize disruptions to those passing by. A welcome change from my initial cruise with Carnival.

First, the lines for food were noticeably shorter, reducing the sensory stress of waiting in crowded spaces. Second, their updated HUB app allowed guests to make reservations at their assigned restaurant, receiving a convenient text notification when their table was ready. This allowed for us to hang out in quieter spaces while waiting. However, the most remarkable change was Carnival's introduction of sensory kits that could be borrowed during the cruise. To my immense joy and that of my sensory-sensitive family, Carnival had forged a partnership with the non-profit organization, "KultureCity," becoming the first Sensory Certified cruise line in the process..

For me, these thoughtful changes made my cruise an absolute delight. Carnival Cruise Lines' commitment to inclusivity and their partnership with KultureCity have transformed the cruise experience for individuals like me, turning what could have been a sensory overload into a genuinely enjoyable vacation. Whether you're a seasoned cruiser or considering your first voyage, Carnival's dedication to creating a sensory-friendly environment deserves recognition and applause.

In a twist of fate, our initially planned 5-day cruise turned into a memorable 7-day journey as we found ourselves tailing a hurricane, which resulted in the closure of our intended ports of call. During these unforeseen extra days at sea, Carnival Cruise Lines truly shone in their commitment to ensuring the well-being and satisfaction of their guests. The crew, with a special shout out to Todd (T-O- double “D”) for sharing his positive energy, went above and beyond to keep everyone informed about the situation, making regular announcements and providing updates on the evolving weather conditions. Despite the unexpected extension of our voyage, Carnival continued to offer top-notch service and entertainment, maintaining the high standards they are known for. It was a testament to their dedication that, even in the face of an unforeseen challenge, they managed to turn it into an adventure, and our extended cruise became a treasured memory.

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Now, for those who may embark on a cruise with sensory sensitivities like mine, here are some valuable tips to enhance your experience:

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Your 11 Tips to To Cruising with Sensory Issues

1. **Travel with Headphones/Earplugs:** Always carry noise-canceling headphones or earplugs to create your personal oasis amidst the ship's vibrant atmosphere.

2. **Choose a Quieter Room Location:** Opt for staterooms located toward the front or back of the ship to minimize exposure to constant foot traffic and public spaces.

3. **Select Rooms Below Inactive Decks:** Avoid rooms beneath active decks or venues to reduce disturbances from overhead activities.

4. **Be Cautious of Casino Proximity:** Stay away from rooms near the casino if you're sensitive to cigarette smoke to avoid unpleasant odors.

5. **Bring a Portable Fan:** Portable fans offer white noise and temperature control, creating a comfortable and peaceful environment.

6. **Consider Inside Cabins for Sleep:** Inside cabins may lack views but are often quieter and ideal for restful sleep.

7. **Request a Sensory Kit Early:** Contact guest services early in your cruise to request a sensory kit for managing sensitivities.

8. **Make Restaurant Reservations Online:** Use the cruise line's app or platform to reserve tables and avoid long waits in crowded dining areas.

9. **Discover Quiet Spots:** Explore the ship to find serene, secluded areas that resonate with you for moments of relaxation.

10. **Pack Sunglasses:** Sunglasses reduce glare and enhance outdoor comfort, shielding your eyes from bright sunlight.

11. **Adjust Your Schedule:** Plan activities during off-peak hours to avoid crowds and enjoy popular attractions with fewer people around.

For more information about Carnival Cruise Lines' Sensory Certification, you can visit their official website here. To learn more about KultureCity's partnership with Carnival, please visit their website here.

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Guided Meditation For Healing

An 11 Minute Guided Mindfulness Visualization for Healing

The Women I Know

I just read a meme that said something to the effect of women want to be recognized for all the things they do, and then listed all the things that women do. While I get the intention behind it, and women do want their partners to understand all that they do, the women I know are not looking for recognition from our counterparts. Recognition seems patronizing when you are drowning in the mental load ocean, the wave of each new task that pops up pulling you into the undertow of daily life. The women I know are drowning in the overwhelm of to do lists, work, child care, home management and adapting to the ever-changing needs of the pandemic. We are just able to get it together long enough to come up for a breath of air, before the next wave of the unknown hits pulls us back under. 

image of woman Drowning by @blakecheekk, signifying women drowning in their Mental Load

The women I know are not physically alone, but they feel emotionally in it alone.  I hear it frequently. “My partner is a great partner, they change diapers, do laundry, cook, help around the house. However, it is the mental load we don’t share.” The women I know say “I have to tell them what needs to be done, what needs to happen, it is as almost as exhausting as having to do it myself.”  The women I know are so tired of keeping up mentally with everything that they have to-do lists, on top of to-do lists, on top of to-do lists. They keep organized on their phones, their planners, their shared calendars. They star and flag emails and have google and Alexa tell them what to-do next lists.  They carry the weight of the family doctor’s appointments, children’s activities, bill due dates, car maintenance, home maintenance, and any emergencies that come up whether it be in the home, with the kids or at work and sometimes aging parents and in-laws. The women I know are so capable that their partners think they have it all under control, and they don’t need to help. The women I know have asked for help, for their partners to take over the mental load, and the response is often “Just tell me what to do, I got you.”  However, it isn’t a just tell me what to do situation. It is a major rehaul in the way that we are doing relationships that needs to happen.

According to the US Census Bureau: 

            At the onset of the pandemic, the share of mothers actively working decreased more than fathers. Mothers declined 21.1 percentage points while the share of fathers dropped 14.7 points in April 2020 compared to the previous month and to the same month the previous year. 

The two most cited reasons are:

·       Mothers are more likely to work in service and other jobs heavily impacted by pandemic closures.

·       Mothers carry a heavier burden, on average, of unpaid domestic household chores and child care, which, during a pandemic that draws everyone into the home, disrupts parents’ ability to actively work for pay

In other words, women, mothers specifically are carrying a good portion of the care needing to be done for others and themselves. Therefore, the women I know are overwhelmed and drowning in to-do lists. It isn’t because their relationships started out this way, in fact, they often started out being pretty equal. However, when things got added, it was often it was just added to the woman’s to do list. It isn’t because women are not asking for help, it is because they are trying to do three to four full time jobs, when realistically they can handle maybe two full-time jobs effectively.  These women are tired of delegating, because let’s face it, delegating itself is a job…that’s why most major companies have project managers.

 So, what is the solution? In my mind, it is that couples need to start divvying things in a different way. Instead of women being project managers, relationships need to be ran more like businesses. Each partner needs to be responsible for a particular department, and while those departments may need to be interdependent on each other, one department does not need to tell the other department what to do to function. Each relationship may divide departments up differently depending on the strengths of the partners, but it needs to be negotiated, talked about, and decided as early in the relationship as possible. If not, to often the women I know are just adding more to their plate, without ever having anything ever taken off, and their partners, are keeping a consistent load to what they had prior to kids. In a business structure, as our business grows, we will often bring on more help, and it is easier to do so, because hopefully as our business grows, we are making more money. However, in a family structure, as our family grows, we may often take a financial hit. Therefore, it often goes to the person who will take it on, without discussion and too often that is the woman in the relationship, regardless of other responsibilities. 

image by @nextfnlevel, woman holding baby on beach taking care of baby

In my humble opinion, this is a contributing factor as to why so many relationships head toward divorce. Women overwhelmed, tired and unable to take anymore are at their breaking points. They either decide that they can’t take anymore, or their partners decide that they are not the fun engaging person they used to be…they are now miserable drowning under all those to do lists, and the day to day becomes unbearable. So, they split. Here is the thing, upon splitting, the women I know, who have married responsible partners, suddenly get a rebalance. Their partners then become responsible for their own lives…their own doctor’s appointments, their own finances, their own car maintenance, and the kids half the time. The women are responsible for themselves and their children when their partners don’t have the kids. They have renegotiated the terms of their agreement and it feels freeing. It is disheartening at best. It is eroding away our concept of family at worst. Instead, I would like to see where couples don’t have to get divorced to renegotiate the defaulted responsibilities. Instead, I would like to see partners who are seeing their wives drowning to say “Hey, we have an unequal balance here, how can restructure so that the departments are more balanced?” I would like to see that it isn’t assumed that the woman can take on more, or that because she is capable, she can handle one more thing. I would like to see capable women not being given more because they are capable.  I would like to see couples begin being taught how to have conversations that negotiate responsibilities in healthy ways. I would like to see to-do lists broken down by department and shared by family members. Each family member taking on responsibilities appropriate to their age and capability.

The women I know don’t need to be recognized. The women I know need to be encouraged to negotiate their roles and be supported when they do. The women I know need to have a few of their to-do lists re-distributed and they need time for themselves. The women I know want their partnerships to work, want to raise great kids, want to work, want to have decent homes and vehicles, they just don’t want to drown doing it. All I am saying is that women are needing a high five while their drowning, they want partners that help them paddle.

Covid-19 Anxiety-Trying to find the balance between More and Less

As a highly sensitive person and ambivert, my life has been a constant balance of trying to balance my desire to be conscientious and my need to have a lot of down time. Both great HSP qualities, but also ones that can cause stress. My pre-COVID-19 life felt stressed, anxious, and constantly on the go. While I recognize I had designed my life with less time commitments than most, the time commitments I did have, often left me exhausted and overwhelmed. I felt constantly “on the go”.

The time obligations that non-HSP’s make all the time can feel stressful, anxiety producing and overwhelming for those of us that are highly sensitive. For me, the time related deadlines of everyday life, like running the kids to the bus stop, getting to meetings on time, or having to be constantly aware of the family schedule…birthday parties, holiday cards, organizing house affairs, setting up house appointments: bug people, water people, home repairs, felt like balls that I was constantly dropping, watch as they roll down hill and splash into a pond…all while I am still trying to figure out if I should keep juggling or chase the ones I dropped.

In all fairness to my HSP side, some of this is probably because my family frequently ran late when I was a kid. We showed up late almost daily to school my entire childhood. The shame of walking in late, embarrassed with teacher comments of “Again” probably do not help with this issue. There is no one to blame for this, my young mother had 3, eventually 4 kids and although married, mostly functioned as a single parent, until she eventually became one.  With little help, I am surprised we only ran 15 minutes to a half hour late…I get it, especially as a mother in my adult years. However, running late has been a trigger my entire life, well not so much the running late, as the comments and judgements made when one is running late.  Somehow, running late generalized into not just late with places, but also those day to day commitments we all experience. GOD FORBID, I don’t get a card out in time. I beat myself up, and don’t bother sending it. I literally have Easter cards sitting here from two years ago…somewhere at least….

Image by @aronvisuals, running out of time

Then comes COVID-19. It forces me to take a step back and relax. My kids are no longer in school, the deadline then becomes moving from the bed to the couch and making sure they are online “on time”, if they can make it. If not, that is okay, you can watch the recording. When you show, even if you are not on time to a “Zoom” meeting, people are patient. Technical difficulties, internet issues, electronics acting up are all things we experience. Now, many of us working from home are juggling kids, animals, our jobs, and a multitude of other things that we have been juggling all along. However, suddenly, people are more patient. Pre COVID-19, if your kid popped into a meeting, it made the headlines. Now, your kid pops into a “zoom” meeting, it is kind of expected, people laugh and we move on. Here we are, all in the same storm, being more tolerant of what is happening in each other’s boat.

In some ways, COVID-19 has helped me be more patient with myself. In some ways if feels better. While I am having less physical interaction with the stay at home, I feel I am having more peaceful interactions. I am less stressed overall. Deadlines don’t feel so overwhelming. I am not in trauma reaction mode worried about getting places and doing things “right and on time.” I am still conscientious and working with ethics, but without the day to stresses and deadlines, I feel more relaxed. Without starting my day off with the bus time stress, the hustle and bustle of where I need to be, my world feels more relaxed. My time with others feels like more.

My state is in phase 2 of opening up. I am not ready yet. It’s not that I don’t want people to get back to work, I feel for my fellow people. I get the economic impact has been huge. It’s just, I AM NOT READY YET. I don’t want to go back to the hustle and bustle. I don’t want to start my morning off with deadlines and stress, balls being dropped and rolling down the hill. So there-in lies the problem,  I have not quite figured out how to have my kids go back to school, begin to see people in person, and not put myself back in that stress.  I know there are things that will need to shift, I just don’t know what that is yet. It is becoming clearer, but it is not there…and I am not ready yet. I don’t want to go back to the way things were. I  don’t know if I can, not without having a visceral reaction. So, I sit here and try to figure out my next steps.

I have this thing in my practice, where I try and look at the gifts of all negative events or traumas. For me, the gift of COVID-19 has been to see how life can be, if I slow it down and make some shifts. My fear of making those shifts is dissolving the longer I am spending time at home. I, like many other mothers, have needed more balance in my life for a long time, and maybe we have as a planet. I can’t go back to who I was before COVID-19…and I feel like I am saying this not just for myself, but for many. I feel like I have been a caterpillar crawling around, doing my thing. COVID-19 came and I created my cocoon,  started my change, my transformation. I am beginning to come out of it, but I am not quite through it yet. I will re-emerge, the same but different. More beautiful in many ways, seemingly more fragile in others. As I am pondering my emergence, I have not figured out what flowers I want to fly to first.  I am still needing time for my wings to dry and learn how to use them.

Asking for what you want empowers you

Vulnerability in the Counseling setting

I want to talk with you about what it is like to be vulnerable when you come into a counselor's office. A lot of people when they come in for the first time, may have not even sought out help before, or may have been struggling seeing someone but they weren't the right fit. A lot of times they have experienced that pain of rejection by other people as well. So coming in and talking to someone about your deepest secrets can often be difficult.

So how is a counselor different from just having a friend? A counselor is capable of looking at things from a non-harsh point and can help you see things from a clearer vision. It is often difficult to be vulnerable with that person because they are essentially a total stranger. The good news is that most counselors have sat on that side of the couch as well and should be able to help you talk about stuff that is extremely difficult and maybe even painful.

Now, does this come easily and quickly? Sometimes it doesn't, and that is not unusual. I have worked with clients for a long time and they will still say "I was afraid to share that with you because I was afraid that you might judge me or make a mean comment about it." The thing about a really good counselor is they are not there to judge you. They are there to help you resolve whatever issues might be happening. The vulnerability piece is definitely difficult but our job is to help you figure out what the pain is that you're experiencing and then help you work through the pain

It is not unusual for people to hang on to things like sexual abuse for a long time and when you approach that subject a client may pull back and say "I’m not ready to deal with that." If you are that patient that is not ready to deal with it, your counselor should give you the space and say "okay we're not going to deal with that right now but we'll come back to it.”

Vulnerability is tough for most people but when you're going into a counselor, don't think that they expect you to give all of your deepest darkest secrets immediately. We are also human beings and we recognize that some things are just too painful to share. However, we also know that if you share it we can work on the healing process. When you get to the other side, you are going to feel a lot better.

Now, knowing a little about the healing process, it is often relieving when you first start sharing your information. If you think about the therapy process as being in a tunnel, when you first go in you might see a little bit of light, but the further you go in the tunnel the darker it may get. Sometimes it gets darker before you see the light again, so expect that when going into the therapy process. Your counselor is there to be with you every step of the way as you're going through that process and opening yourself up.

As a therapist, I know it's hard and I understand how difficult vulnerability can be, however I also know that if you work through the process, there is so much healing on the other end.

My suggestion to you would be to find a therapist that you really trust, and open up to them because they are here to help you heal. I hope this helps! If you've been having some doubts about whether or not you can share something with your therapist and if you have been holding things in, please reach out to them. They are there for you!

If you would like to work with me, visit the “New Patient Registration” link to get started!

The Illusion of Control

Hey Empaths 3 Reasons Why I want you to be The Bad Guy today

Empaths have a really hard time saying no. Empaths put ourselves in other people's positions and give too much of our time to others, sometimes to the wrong people.

My challenge to you for this week is I really want you to work on being the bad guy. I want you to work on feeling uncomfortable. I know that might seem counterintuitive, but the reason I want you to work on feeling uncomfortable is because often we can't say no to boundaries. Boundaries are hard for us. If we're empaths, we have a really hard time when we say no, because we can feel the other person's disappointment. Those emotions can be confusing to us. They can make it difficult, because on one hand we want to be able to say no, but on the other hand, we feel the other person's disappointment and pain. So a lot of times we'll say yes, even when it's not in our best interest. 

Allow it to be okay for you to not feel like you are the hero or the savior or the person that somebody can rely on. It's hard for us to disappoint others. When you're able to say no to people, then you are able to really begin to discern what you want to say yes to and what you don't want to say yes to. Nobody likes being told no. So when you are the bad guy to tell somebody, no, it often upsets them. Don't worry about it. They will get over it. They may not like it, but they will. So give yourself permission. 

Often when we're an empathic person that people come to when they really want help or need help, sometimes these may be people that we don't even know. We can be standing in the middle of Target and someone will just come up and start talking to us. So being able to say no and be the bad guy is a part of good self care.

We are capable of jumping in and fixing things. The problem with that is that we are circumventing the person from having their own healthy learning experiences. I often use the example that if we try to prevent our babies from ever falling or bumping their head or skimming their knee, we are actually preventing them from learning. When they fall and bump their head, they experience pain. It allows them to get back up and figure out how to adjust to avoid the pain. Well, emotions can sometimes be like that too. As empaths, we often want to save people from those emotions because we feel pain so deeply. But when we help them avoid their pain, we're actually disabling them from not being able to have their own experiences. I want you to think about that when you're attempting to save other people from their pain. You're actually disabling them, you're not doing them a service.

By taking care of ourselves, we're ultimately able to pick and choose who we want to give our time and energy to. If we're giving it to everybody, we don't have enough time, energy, and emotional resources to give to the people that we really want to focus our energy on. Sometimes that becomes those closest to us. Sometimes that becomes ourselves and things that we need to do for ourselves are all in self care.

Now for me, sometimes I tend to be an emotional reactor. I will often say yes without thinking about it. My first tip is give yourself a minute to think about it. If a minute, isn't long enough, then ask for some time. Sometimes we need time to think about things, we need time to process. The other tip I have for you is to write notes for yourself. Give yourself pointers as to why you're going to say no. You may never need those pointers, but it helps you stay focused when you're talking to the other person. The third tip that I have for you is to trust your gut instinct. You are an empath and you will know if you really take a minute to feel about it. You are going to know whether or not it's the right thing to do and to say. Learning to trust your gut instinct on things is really helpful.

Anyway, those are my tips for this week. I hope to talk to you guys again soon. If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to message me!

Hi Everyone! Today I want to talk with you about the Inner Critic

We all experience highs and lows, how we respond can determine how long they last!

5 Great Ways To Get Centered when you are feeling Anxious

All of us have experienced those times where we feel like our head is spinning. Sometimes it feels like nothing is going as planned and life is just testing you left and right. It’s important to keep yourself grounded in the midst of the chaos. I wanted to share with you today about how to get centered when you're feeling chaotic. There are five ways that I tell my clients that you can get quick, fast relief from a little bit of the stress. 

The first way to get some relief from chaos is to do some controlled breathing. It is often recommended breathing in through your nose and out through your mouth to help calm you down. Take a second to do it with me. So you're going to breathe in, hold it for as long as you can, and breathe out through your mouth and repeat this as many times as you need to. Another way to do this is to block off one nostril, breathe in through that nostril, switch to blocking off the other nostril, and then breathe out through that nostril. That's a quick strategy to get yourself centered. The alternate nostril breathing technique gets both sides of your brain talking and calms you down pretty quickly. 

The second thing you can do to get yourself centered is visualize. Visualize yourself in a calmer state of mind. Visualize not only when you're in the midst of chaos, but also while you're in a relaxed state. While you're in a relaxed state of mind, you can touch a part of your body and that will teach you that when you touch this spot, it will trick your brain into thinking you're calming down. There's an acupuncture point that I recommend using as your grounding point. You go straight up from your hand, on your wrist, there's a little divot there. If you squeeze that when you're not feeling calm you will trick your body into thinking that you're supposed to feel relaxation during that time. The other thing is to visualize a peaceful place, whatever that peaceful place is for you. For some people, it's the beach or a mountain stream. But take just about 15 seconds and visualize yourself there. It will help your body recognize that you are moving to become this.

The third thing you can do is let go and trust your higher power. Now not everyone believes in a higher power. And that's perfectly okay! If you do, or if you don’t, realizing things are out of your control is a way to bring some calm to your chaos. Sometimes when we're feeling chaotic, it's because of internal feelings. So reminding yourself that chaos is sometimes about things falling into place, not falling apart. When we clean out a closet, our closet is completely empty and our bedroom is chaos. But when we start putting stuff back together, we're actually cleaning some of the chaos is the beginning of putting things back together. So always remind yourself of that. 

Another strategy to seek calm throughout chaos is to get outside for just a few minutes. If you can sit in the grass for 15 minutes, studies show that your anxiety levels and your depression levels decrease. This is a great thing to do, especially if you have kids. Take them outside, sit in the grass, make sure your feet or your hands are touching the Earth. If you're sitting on concrete, it doesn't have the same effect. So get your body grounded, get outside, make sure that you're getting fresh air every day.

The fifth thing is if you have a pet, put your hands on them and pet them. Most pet owners know about the immediate joys that come with sharing their lives with companion animals. This actually helps calm you down and fills the basic human need for touch. Petting, hugging, or otherwise touching a loving animal can rapidly calm and soothe you when you’re stressed or anxious. It's a quick way to help you get calm by taking a few minutes and petting an animal. 

Those are the five quick strategies I tell my clients to help get grounded when things are feeling hectic. If there is more you'd like to know about, or if you want me to go into more details with a couple of these strategies, please leave let me know! That would be super helpful so I can give you guys more of what you're looking for. I can even do a meditation for you all if you think that's something you'd like. I look forward to talking to you!

Are you highly sensitive, and not sure if you are empathic or intuitive

It's not Personal, I just don't want to hang out with you.

This is going to sound awful. The thing it, it is not personal, I just don’t want to hang out with you. I really don’t like people. I mean, I like them well enough.  I love working with people, I love my career.  I love being a Mom, a wife, and  a friend. I love giving to others. It’s just, I am an introvert and an extrovert.  I fall right on the line, in between the two on all of those personality scales they make you take in school.  So, the thing is, that after spending the day with people, giving presence and support, at night, I don’t necessarily want to hang out. Most evenings, I just want to sit home, give time to my kids and husband, veg, play on facebook, read, do lone tasks that allow me to nurture my introvert side.

Occasionally, it makes me feel like a bad friend.  At times, I have had people get mad at me because they don’t feel like I am present enough for them.  They deserve that. Everyone deserves friends that are involved and available. You deserve someone that can be fully present, that can listen to your concerns. You deserve a friend that will spend hours with you on the phone. You deserve someone that can really help you problem solve. The thing is, I am not necessarily the person that will be able to meet those expectations. If I have worked all day, or had a particularly hard week, I can’t be that emotional support for you. I can’t hang out and listen to your problems. I can’t encourage you, or be your cheerleader.  I can’t because I am having to focus that energy on being present for myself…I have used all my energy for that day.  I can’t choose you over me. Please know though, it is not really about you, it is my need to recharge and revive. I care deeply about you.  I am setting boundaries with you, so that I can care for me. It is hard for me to set these boundaries, it is hard for me to say  “No.” However, I have learned that sometimes, in the line of work I have chosen, I have to go inward. I have to check out. I have to be self centered. I have to self care, or ultimately, I can not do what I do.

Please know, that if I can, I will give. If I can do it without draining myself, I will.  When we do hang out though, I want to be fully present. I want t both enjoy you and be enjoyable.  I want to listen, laugh, and spend time with the people I care about in ways that are meaningful. I want to actually be there for you. So if that means that to be present, I have to hang out less, and exchange quality for quantity, I am willing to do so. Just know, if I say no, I can’t hang out, it’s not personal. I am just keeping a promise to myself to self care.  My hope will be that you will do the same.  I will expect you to not want to hang out, need to self care and I will appreciate the time we have. I will not take it personal.

Love and Healing,

Laura

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Talking About Sex with Your Kids

So a few weekends ago, my friend and I took  the kids to the Museum of Science and Industry. Now, I am all about educating children about their body parts, so I was super excited about the human body exhibit.  Seeing teen parents first hand, I am all about having your children know what sex is, long before they are contemplating having it. I was a sexual abuse counselor for a lot of years, so it is important to me that my kids know the proper name of genitalia.I know education is one of the best ways to help prevent sexual abuse. Give kids the proper name…a penis is not a ding dong, a weiner, a one eyed snake, it is a penis…empower your kids, give them the tools to be able to tell if someone touches them inappropriately. The best age to teach kids the name of their sex organs is the same time you teach them the name of their head, shoulders, knees and toes….make a couple of extra stops and teach breast, buttocks, penis, vulva and vagina.

The museum had a whole display on the developing fetus (awesome!)…the questions of how does the baby get in there were answered and discussed when I was pregnant with my second. We read the books when he was four and five about how the sperm and the ovum come together, and a baby is conceived. At age six, my son asked me a burning question “How does the sperm get in there Mom?”   My son “really needed to know”, like it was this universal puzzle and he just could not figure it out. So, true to form and in alignment with my belief that knowledge is power,  we had the sex conversation at six. He was informed that each child develops at their own pace, and that it is not his job to educate his peers, their parents needed to this. Amazingly, he followed this request.

The next display at the museum was on the developing body. Since I have boys, and one is nine, puberty is not far off,  we focused on the male body…how the scrotum drops, the penis extends, they get hair under their pits and in their pelvic area. I am standing there thinking “okay this is good…a natural way to bring up the conversation, I want him to be prepared.”  (This is that part of the story, where you feel like a good parent….) A girl came by, all the boys ran in a circle away from the video, and then came running back to gather the needed education. In proud Momma form, I stood by to answer questions, but allowed them to discover.

As my son and his friend ran ahead, while I helped my younger one with another exhibit,  I could see them watching a video. I sat down just in time to catch the tail end of the show. Thank goodness, I did. It gave me just enough to to gather my wits.

Now, I thought I was prepared. I thought okay, sex conversations are just touch ups from here on out.  He has the basics, so around age twelve, we can start having he conversations about condoms and birth control. However, I was not quite prepared for this trip to the museum. You see, my kids learned more science than industry. The barrage of questions started:

• Mom, what is an STD? A sexually transmitted disease.

• How can you get them? by having sex.

• Does everyone get them? not everyone, but everyone can get them.

• Can you get rid of them? some you can, others you cant. There are different levels. Explained the levels and types.

• Do they hurt? some do. Some you don’t know you have.

• Can they kill you? some can.

• What is the best way to not get them? by not having sex, but you can prevent them by taking care of your body, and making sure you and your mate are clean when you decide to mate

• Do You have an STD? (WHAT In The WORLD!) Well my love, that is a question you ask your mate, and since you and I are not going to mate, that is not a question you need the answer too. 

For days the questions came, just as they had when he first learned about sex, and he “had to know, how does the sperm get in there.”  I answered each question, just as I had then, in a honest, matter of fact tone…the boring tone that gave facts, not judgement. I answered the questions because he asked, and if kids ask, they are ready for the answers.  Too often, as parents, we think we know when the right time will be, but with sex talk, it is about letting your child take the lead. Allow the conversations to come up, answer honestly right from the start. Sex is a natural part of life, and when you treat it as such, your kids feel safe.  It is hard to have these conversations, it is.  I just believe, that if they can have these conversations with you, then they can have them with their future partner/s and not be embarrassed.

At the end of the week, my son said to me “Mom, you know, I think I am going to wait until I am thirty to have sex, it is just too dangerous.”  With my Momma pride about to burst, I thought:  I hope you make safe choices son,  I hope you do.

Love and Healing,

Laura

For more information on educating your kids about sex:

All About Kids Health

Mayo Clinic/Sex Ed

RAINN/Protecting Your child from Sexual Assault

How to manage at work when you are a highly sensitive person!

Feeling others too much? Here are 4 Energetic Ways to Set Boundaries